Erotic Author Alice Slack Makes it Big.

I recently had the great pleasure of interviewing best selling erotic sex author Alice Slack. Alice has a split personality and she couldn’t decide if she wanted to talk about it, so I concentrated on her love of cock in dimly lit districts.-This is an unedited transcript.

Hi Alice, I can't express my delight at having you here.

Hi Roysie my pleasure. I simply love your blog, it’s so nostalgic, reminds me of the back alleyway where I gave, Big Buck Butcher, my first blow job.

Why thanks Alice; that must have been a most memorable occasion.

It sure was, it taught me a lot about safe sex.

Really? Was Buck kind enough to give you good advice that day?

No, he didn’t say much that was comprehensible; I’d inadvertently knelt down into a huge pile of dog-shit. Being so naive, I simply thought sperm must smell that way. I have made a point of checking my outdoor love making arenas for such anti-aphrodisiacs ever since.

It’s safe to say that the experience never halted your passion for back alleys, reading your books, almost of your orgasms take place inside them; do alleyways excite you?

No not really sweet puddings; I accept cock at most locations. Dark places merely mean that I don’t have to spend time on looking glamorous, applying make up etc, I use my saved time to write and research new cock activity. You might find this hard to believe, but I don’t always look this beautiful.

Wow! I would never have guessed that you were wearing make up. (She had arrived a little tipsy so I don’t think she saw me blush?)

You learn something every day sweetie meat; regardless, I always need fresh content for my book, so I simply nip out and collect it, back alleyways are my convenience store.

Good Grief! How much do you pay these men?

What me pay! Are you mad tight nuts! I don’t think you understand what I'm saying here, Do I have to explain, very slowly?

(She must have seen me blush that time. She appeared angry so I tactically shuffled in my seat, smiled and allowed her to carry on.

Attracting a man is the simplest thing in the world, even when they are walking by a dark alleyway, a seductive call of ‘Hey you wanna fuck?’ does the trick every time.

Really Alice? Do you think that would work for me?

Possibly Roysie, but only if you ask the right men.

Oh I er see. (Her reply confused me so I quickly nodded in agreement.)

Men like it simple, they respond to groping in the dark; a handful of tits and a pair of open legs are all they require. It complicates things when they catch a glimpse of my face; I’ve missed out on so many erections that way.

Gosh! I find it hard to believe that you look hideous without make-up.

Hold on limp dick! I’m not suggesting that at all.

My apologies Alice; I didn’t intend any er...? I think I’m a little in awe of your presence, please, do go on.

Okay! Okay, forget it, let’s get this over with, it’ll be dark soon. I will clarify. Occasionally, our passion will reach the ears of passing patrolmen who then shine the torch into the alleyway and light up our faces.

Good Grief! You must find it very scary when that happens?

I don’t, but boy you should see the look of horror on the faces of those men before they run. My theory, which I revealed to one officer, explains that my natural face must resemble someone close to them, and it brings on a guilt trip. I thought he was listening sympathetically, and was about to make his dick harder than his truncheon, but he had to spoil it all by turning sarcastic.

I’m sorry and surprised to hear that Alice, do you mind telling what he said?

Sure Roysie I don’t mind, especially as his words only go to show what a dumb ass he is.

In your own time Alice. (I could sense pain in her anger.)

He just dismissed my theory saying, ‘Guilt trip? I don’t know how far one of those trips would take him, but when he caught a glimpse of your mug-shot he began it without hanging around for transport. He was travelling so fast he’s probably met up with those back to the future characters.

(After hearing such cruelty I was lost for words, so I just gave her a warm smile.)

Then his torch went out and he blamed my face for running the batteries down.

(I was so sympathetic and felt that that she deserved a much larger warm smile.)

Are you grinning at me shrivelled dick?

No, no, I’m just amazed that policeman a policeman could be so disrespectful, especially when you were carrying out such essential research.

Why thank you Roysie, I only wish you were the patrolman in my alleyway network.

Well if I was Alice, you could be certain that I wouldn’t shine my torch on your face.

 I’m sure you wouldn’t sweetmeat, you are far too considerate, and if ever you are passing my network pop in and earn a passage in one of my books.

I would love to, just as long as it’s not the alleyway with all that dog-shit in ha ha. (I thought I had made a light amusing remark.)

 Are you trying to be funny? I told you that dog-shit was a long time ago, and I only tend cock in pleasant surrounds. You’re just as bad as that clueless shrimp dicked cop, goodbye pickled balls I won’t be calling again   

 Thanks for the visit Alice, it has been so nice having you here...

Unfortunately she had left before saying that the new book in her Alleyway series - ‘Gagging Over Wheelie Bins.’ is already in the best sellers list, and Alice is currently researching her new title ‘Dicks in the Darkness.’ 

Below sees a regular tour taking fans along the very alleyway that inspired Alice's blockbuster hit- 'Penetrated in the Passage of Passion.'