Swap Smoking for Sex.

Does less Smoking mean more Sex?

Buck Before Quitting

While many viewed the latest increase on a packet of Cigarettes to be extortion, up to £14, it delighted my friend Buck who wished it had been more. Deciding to quit the 40 a day habit, Buck now has excess money and can afford regular visits to his local brothel.

‘Fucking sure beats coughing,’ he says. And when asked if he missed a satisfying smoke afterwards-he replied, ‘Inhaling a succulent breast provides better satisfaction.’

While we all miss him in the local tobacconist, we don't begrudge him his new horny lifestyle. If only I could join him! Unfortunately, I never opted to smoke. Had I done so, I too could have quit and found myself with lots of spare money. Buck suggested I start smoking now, he reasoned-‘Cigarettes will cost £20 a packet in the near future, people who quit then will become wealthy, probably have enough money to live in a brothel permanently.’

Buck Without Cigarettes

I don' have a head for finances, but I'll certainly give his advice some thought. Meanwhile, I'm sticking with my right hand,-at least there are no nicotine stains on it.

Enjoy a Modern Sex Life.

Nothing stays the same, and that includes sex. Something new always comes along, and in no time at all we are left wondering how on earth we managed without it. This is a little tale that reveals how I manage to stay in touch with modern trends. 

Do you know what you're doing?

Have a Modern Sex Life.

It was during the fifth or possibly sixth beer, that our discussion arrived at sex. My best friend Albert and I have a wonderful, honest, relationship, similar to the one I once had with my wife. He asked how my sex life was and I had to admit that it was as infrequent as it was dull.

“That’s because you’re no longer a mystery; you need to surprise her, give her a shock.”
“Going home early would do that.”
“Roy! Your kids are married and gone; you should be having the sex of your lives. Try bending her over the settee or take her on the kitchen floor.”
“Taking her to chemist for indigestion and headache pills is as far as I go nowadays.”
“Don’t tell me you’re not up to date with seduction techniques?”
“Techniques? Couple of lagers topped up with a few brandies and knickers off, is that no longer the order of the day?
“Naw, naw naw; that’s primitive; it’s all about Bodisim; it’s the new thing.”
“Bodisim! What the fuck’s Bodisim?”
“Unless you want her legs to stay closed forever, you must learn. It’s a mystical art of stripping your woman naked and then belting her arse until it’s red raw.”
“Is this beer getting to you???”
“It’s no wind up. Bodisim was invented by a woman whose hair turned grey on her fiftieth birthday.”
“How did she come up with that?”

“She was so depressed that she jay walked across the road to buy a colourful wig. A posh city bloke, in a Rolls Royce, smacked into her and she landed open legged on top of his Spirit of Ecstasy. Her bum was badly bruised and she was in agony, but she orgasmed five times before the emergency crew pulled her off it. From that day on, she couldn’t enjoy sex without a painful arse.”

“Interesting as that is, how will it help me?”
“Because that aching ass was a milestone; just like the first woman who burnt her bra when she had sore nipples, another piece of history in the making.”
“Surely you know that I haven’t got a Rolls Royce.”
“You don’t need a posh car to belt your loved one; that Spirit of Ecstasy was only the spark. You’ve got a bike, use an inner tube.”
“So, if I belt my wife’s ass with an inner tube, she’ll be mad for sex?”
“Take my word for it; in fact get some Viagra, she’ll keep you at it all night.”

I enjoy being drunk; it stopped me from feeling embarrassed when I asked the girl in the chemist for Viagra, in fact,I asked for it in quite a loud voice. I wanted everyone in the shop to know that they were in the presence of a stud.

“You’re fucking late home again you drunken cunt.”

My wife’s voice seemed to be lacking its feminine charm, but armed with my new carnival knowledge, she’d soon need an abacus to keep count of her orgasms. After calling me every name under the sun for an hour or so, she went upstairs for her evening bath. I waited until steam began to escape beneath the door and crept in gripping my lengthy inner tube. Perfect, she was naked and bent over the bath testing the water.

“What happened then?” Albert asked, in the pub a few days later.

“Well, I’d overlooked something most important; she was still having treatment for bum blisters.”
“Oh yeah, you spilled that boiling coffee on her arse when she was sunbathing in the garden.”
“Anyway, I managed to land two really powerful strokes. Hearing her yell, I thought your information was working. It roused rather than aroused her; she grabbed me by the balls and literally threw me in the air.”

“The black eye?”
“From a right hook on the way down.”
“I’m afraid your wife must be one of those rare women who are not suited to Bodisim. She’s what you call a Domontricks  Massacarist. Fortunately, I know how to make those horny too.”

Want a little comedy sex read?

  

http://Author.to/RoyStation

Inventor of the Hand Job.

Few are aware that 2020 marked the 2,000th anniversary of the birth of Roman advisor Handrewe Jorbe. The Roman Army conquered all before them and the role HJ played should not be underestimated. Continuously marching into battle, soldiers needed to become focused before meeting enemy forces. It's well documented that the Romans favourite pastime was sex, they invented and gave orgies to the world.

After enjoying daily sexual activity in Rome, soldiers had to endure cold turkey. Roman Soldiers marched to war in formations of 80, which meant 10 rows, each 8 abreast. Before battles, soldiers had to stand motionless when listening to their Generals final details. During this time, lack of sex caused soldiers to grow erections. This frustration led to soldiers becoming distracted from their Generals final tactics.

On Handrewe Jorbe's suggestion,a large number of female and a few male slaves were utilized. When  Generals began their speech, a slave knelt and tended the erection of each soldier. The faster the slaves hand moved, the more inspirational the speech became. His idea proved a huge success, soldiers marched into battle inspired, and without a prominent target for the enemy. Without audio technology,  Generals and slaves had to repeat the process for several formations.

It was teething troubles which led to Roman Soldiers wearing the tunics that they are now famously synonymous with. Early Roman fly zips were so crude that slaves were unable to open them, causing wars to be delayed in some cases. Romans always sought easy access to groin areas and the new creation tunic was the perfect solution. Eventually, slaves became known as Handrewe's, a term which was shortened to Hands. Rome readily acknowledged the slaves input and enlisted them into the army.  The Emperor bestowed upon them the title-Hands  Job Unit.

The term 'Hand' is now accepted the world over as someone who help or gives assistance. The much renown quote-Many Hands Make Light Work-was inspired by the work of Handrewe Jorbe's slaves. Let there be no doubt, HJ inspired future generations into lending a helping hand whenever possible.Let's hope the tradition is maintained for for many more generations.

                    

Perfect Partners-Coming Together-Teamwork.

I have no meaning in life.

Taking an impromptu stock take of my winter clothing recently I came across a pair of fingerless woolen gloves; half fingerless to be precise-as they reached the first knuckle of each finger. I had no recollection of how they had came into my possession-possibly an old Christmas present? Regardless, I decided to go to my local shop on my mountain bike, and wanted to wear them. I was hoping they would give me a new cool look to be honest-possibly bring myself to the attention of the female hordes?

Alas, I may as well of been invisible-and those gloves were definitely not cool, freezing actually, with my exposed fingers, proverbially, dropping off. What I then found puzzling, they are more expensive than gloves with entire fingers. Ideally, fingerless gloves allow the wearer to handle small objects, but surely the finger tips become so cold that they can’t function correctly?

So, after much head scratching, I deduced that they are only practical when used in conjunction with crotchless knickers/panties; strangely, another item of clothing reduced for convenience. Many people believe they were invented to allow belligerent Mother in Laws a better grip on their broomstick.  Whereas bitterly cold fingertips find it difficult to function with coins keys etc, the warmth following a crotchless underwear insertion is most rewarding. All of which reveals, the depth of accomplishment when two come together as one.

I now know my intended destination.

I imagine smacks will be somewhat cushioned.

   

Perfect Partners. 

Spice of a Third Party.

 The illness of a sexless marriage will find no better remedy than 'Third Party.' 

With first hand knowledge of Jacob's ability, frustrated John wastes no time in seeking him out as a Third Party. Recent testimonies confirm Jacob can persuade even the most frigid of wives to part her legs. John has no qualms about allowing Jacob to unleash his huge cock upon Janice, his wife. Suffering an ailing sex life, he longs for arousal juice to circulate the folds of her pussy once again.

It's a huge gamble that depends entirely on a successful seduction of Janice; something highly unlikely and probably marriage ending. However, the events of life combine to provide the perfect scenario and John's boldness is rewarded. In a rare moment of carefree attitude, Janice waives her historical sexual reluctance. After being roughly pounded throughout the night, she wakes with her pussy stretched and craving more cock.

John's action when contacting a Third Party was drastic, but his alternative meant a permanent surrender to celibacy. Attempting to extract any sort of arousal from Janice had become a hopeless and overly tiresome crusade. Yet the spice of a different cock, albeit huge, strikes her untapped well of lust in an instant. Although not without drama, John can never express sufficient gratitude for Jacob's assistance. Janice is now ever horny to straddle John's cock, or any other he asks her to.        

'Come and get your treat John, Janice calls to her husband who waits in the adjoining bedroom. He enters to the sight of his wife’s open legs and her pussy oozing sperm. It had come from Jacob's huge black cock, which she held and licked . Wearing his wife's panties, John lapped up and down her slit until....

If you would like to know the full story; Third Party is available at Amazon.

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The Cuckold Game.

 2019 Update
Playing the Cuckold game has so many emotions that participants should never be surprised by its rules, which clearly state-They are confusing.

The Cuckold Game.

Arthur’s erection had finally returned and was making regular visits to the wet-spot of his beloved wife Mildred. Raunchy sex had not been part of his life for more than a decade and he was making up for lost time. A loving couple, he and Mildred lost both their virginity and sexual appetite together. Once a relationship that hosted fireworks,  it had lost its sparkle and fizzled out to a phwwt. It became convenient to simply neglect sex. 

Unable to rendezvous, erection and wet-spot lost contact and became strangers. To become redundant while still having so much to offer was frustrating for both intimate areas. Months became years and it seemed neither would ever see active service again. But quite by chance, a certain eyeful let Arthur know that erection remained fit and ready to resume maneuvers.

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Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00GV1VNIK

Mutual Masturbation.

Organized Mutual Masturbation.

You can now orgasm with someone on the opposite side of the world if you push their button.  

Organized Group Mutual Masturbation, is a pleasure that the sexually adventurous have enjoyed for the past few years. The internet, via webcam, allows lovers, sex friends, and even strangers to enjoy an orgasm together. Separated by miles or continents, it's become so easy to rendezvous on webcam. Meeting this way allows friends to catch up on much more than chit chat. Participants freely express, in no uncertain terms, exactly why they require from each other. With privacy assured, it isn’t long before the horny are stripped and racing towards lusty orgasms. Witnessing lust and emerging fluids is a most gratifying outcome.

Pining lovers are only a small fraction of those who enjoy Mutual Masturbation on a regular basis. Agendas vary, but ultimately, most indulge simply for the pleasure it provides. At any given time, countless males can be found masturbating on webcam sites. Totally random, they do so in the hope of a female joining in. Organized Mutual Masturbation, including many females, operates in a way far removed from the dependency of good fortune. Meeting on sex sites, participants are organized and successful engagements are arranged.

Sex site members are only ever known by their user-name, it may reflect a sexual preference. As on all social sites, members become familiar through interaction. Using open or private messages, they  discuss whatever turns them on. These discussions lead to sexually identified groups, breeding grounds for throbbing erections and wet pants. Once a group becomes comfortable, a webcam gathering can be suggested. 

Jake, a sex site member, is renowned for both his discreetness and technical ability with cameras. He is frequently asked to control cameras during group Mutual Masturbation. He says, initial visual introduction creates a little hesitation, but a little sexual innuendo and everyone becomes excited and willing to remove their clothing.

Following group instruction,  Jake is specifically asked to capture facial expression and liquid release. Although as proceedings progress, lust can take over and plans for a well choreographed event are ditched. A female with open legs allows Jake to zoom in and provide a view to heighten any orgasm.

Janine revels in Mutual Masturbation; a regular, exposing her body provides her main source of arousal. “It’s a huge turn on when men or women cum while looking at my body. I'm addicted,” she confessed.

Women too desire open legs exposure, men are often asked to provide an erection view to enhance a female orgasm. Sperm release is also extremely popular with women who are about to cum. Jake can’t recall any participant refusing a specific request of exposure. Additionally, Jake can not recall anyone turning off their screen before conclusion, which they are free to do at any time.

Jake is astonished by the number of orgasms achieved during these sessions. He feels Mutual Masturbation acts in the same way as performance enhancing drugs. Both sexes become capable of orgasm after orgasm. Men always maintain erections-women always lose inhibitions.

“Take it from me, women definitely do squirt, and often in huge gushes,” Jake confided.

There can be no doubt, Mutual Masturbation is an exciting way to enjoy the oldest of pleasures. 

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https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/992617